General
Howdy, I'm the one without it's moustache, a metaphor for removing the mask. That's what the name means.
Born in 2006 (18y old) and brazillian. I really like programming offline game oriented and gaming... also music, books, anime and manga. Single son, NEET, trying not to be a shut-in, traumatized and other things.
Important topic: what I'm doing here? Many answers! Possibilities include: reviving the personal site trend, testing my bare bones coding skills, trying to open up to a fictional person so i can do the same IRL, and trying to get famous.
Ilnesses
Unordered listing of my major illnesses and difficulties.
- severe idiopathic insomnia
- lack of appetite
- autism suspection
(by: psychiatrist, therapist, mother and me) - severe depression
- lack of romantic interest in others
- aggressiveness
- self isolation
- fear of intimacy
- touch starvation
- want to cry everytime anyone shows affection to me
- sedentarism
- low self-esteem
- fleeing
- difficulty to speak
- jumping from one project to another
- severe difficulty with school
- mute weeping
(crying without any discernible sound)
Sexuality
I have already thought of being gay or trans, but being a man and liking woman is what appeals the most. Which is a shame because then I'm left out of the cool queer spaces, that are much cooler than the cishet spaces. Reconciliation between straights and queers would be an awesome thing, but is simply impossible. That is exactly why we have ongoing wars today.
From #illnesses: "lack of romantic interest in others", I've used that fact to also consider forms of asexuality, but the terminology is just too confusing/inconsistent(?) for me to get properly deep into and classify myself, so I just feel I'm somewhere there without pointing exactly where.
In school, I patiently awaited for the day I'd come to like someone, and although I was able to find beauty in some, none came as likeable. One time I got to skip P.E. in 7th grade and talk to two buddies, but then one of got the conversation into the "who do you like?" and I was shocked, my turn to say who was my special came and I had no one.
- "are we supposed to like people already?" I thought.
My answer was delayed but honest: I didn't like anyone, and they swore me as liar. Well fuck you, I picked one girl randomly.
And to close this off: I really love physical contact. Holding hands, petting, hugging, holding very close and tight, ear on chest hearing heartbeats. That's the universal form of affection, any animal you see will show affection by touching.
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