[ 3 / 7 / 2024 ]

good night,

⠀today i left your office with the impression you were mocking my attempt at organization and self-care, your last proclaimed phrase wasn't paticularly friendly either. however i must make it clear that i do in fact understand your motives, and thus you are forgiven. but that still hurt me.

⠀i am not backing on my spreadsheet. the argument that this is most likely the last time i will have a thirty day vacation in my life is in fact valid and i recognize it, but you must've forgotten that all my life before this point was all scrambled up. i want to keep it organized for myself, not because mother or school demands it, they can go all fuck themselves in the ass. my life is mine and no one else's, and i must live it however i see fit.

⠀after coming home, i watched some videos to alleviate my head and then proceeded to lie on my bed and cry whilst hugging my dear fluffy blanket. very pathetic if you ask me. i have too thought about the point of being too harsh with myself... no conclusions yet, it may be true, might not aswell. i'll keep decanting it.

ran down, the devil-may-care

⠀i really felt the need to cry for a while now, and that just sparkled it for everything, very glad.