[ 29 / 6 / 2024 ]

good afternoon,

⠀pardon me for my confusing and brief writing from yesterday, my mind found itself in a specially odd modd. actually, i did not sleep well in that night, if that rectify your doubts.

⠀today is beeing a nice day, besides the heat. i managed to brush my teeth, eat and even depause my reading. sounds pitiful, isn't it? a being that cannot even take care of itself, feeling the most basic activities as an accomplishment... that's what depression does, everything feels excessively tiresome to do.

⠀well, now i will catch you up on things, as i planned and failed to yesterday.

⠀we managed to make school go from a obligation and wearing position to an more pleasant one. in this new place the teachers are good, colleagues are nice and the faculty is a mess. all so much better but i still got another burnout episode out of it.

⠀this time my coping was very similar to the other, absented myself from everything and laid down to binge "voices of the void" content -which is a very pleasant game for empty days- untill i felt better. my desire for anything came to a zero, as well as as the reasonings, the suicidal ideations came forth and if it wasn't for voices of the void keeping my mind busy with something, i really wouldn't be here.

⠀and now i'm feeling better -already got back to it and all- and am on vacation untill the end of july (that is if this lousy school lets it). but i'm not very happy with it, the vacation. there is no obligation making me move and i seriously doubt that my neediness will be fullfilled. there's a small chance though, let's be optimistic.

⠀i will continue poking my difficulties untill i'm able to overcome them, much like someone playing dark souls.